October 22, 2007 – Calling all “values voters”.

“OH YEAH MIKE HUCKABEE’S TOTALLY THE MAN!!!”

Well, I arrived in Washington, DC, for the week, just as the GOP “values voters” were wrapping up their summit here in town.  And the big winner of their straw poll was Mike “Who?” Huckabee, who came second only to Mitt Romney.  And where did the guy who’s most likely to mop the floor with Hillary Clinton in a general election place?  That would be a 9th PLACE finish for Rudy Giuliani (1.85% of the total votes) — because the top two priorities for these folks were (a) abortion and (b) marriage.

Now that you’ve gotten that out of your system and put Rudy in his place over issues that have proven to be, in practice, out of any president’s control (even Bush didn’t do anything about abortion or gay marriage), can you please calm down before you prop up a candidate who will literally hand the general election to the Democrats?  Like, for example, “WHODAT?” HUCKABEE.

Mind you, the most likely scenario is that all the guys who are trying to outdo one another over the position of “God’s pet” will end up splitting the “value votes”, and Giuliani will end up being picked as the candidate by all us other heathens in the Republican party. 

Hear that?  That was Jesus (as in Jesus Christ, not Jesus from Mexico who works at the McDs in Times Square).  He wants me to give you this:

Now can we please make Rudy president so he can get a few things done before you send him to Hell for his lack of moral authority?  That’d be swell, guys.  Thanks! 🙂

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